I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
