foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
