I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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