chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
