needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
