I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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