I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
