I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
