i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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