I think I won the penis lottery.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
