just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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