spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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