But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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