It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
