eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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