Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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