so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Randomize
