i think my mom watched the whole time
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
