Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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