you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
