she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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