This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
