It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
