can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
