Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
