and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
