Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
where are you?
Hypothermia
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
