DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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