its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
