Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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