you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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