you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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