Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
