He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
