I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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