hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
