You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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