i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
