If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
