he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
