I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize