Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
