Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
