Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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