My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
