i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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