I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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