I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
