Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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