If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
