Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize