My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
