On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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