i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
