my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
