just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
