I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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