She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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