Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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