I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
