Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
