you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
