There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
