Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
