Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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