Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize