I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
