Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i came on her dog
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Verdict: uncircumcised.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
